FOR THOSE ANSWERING TOGETHER
It’s best if each of you answers the questions individually in writing. This way, you’ll have more time to carefully consider and express your thoughts.
While all the questions are important, you decide which ones you want to answer and which ones you don’t. Honesty in your responses is key because the goal is to help you make the right decision. A decision based on false information has a high chance of being the wrong decision.
However, you should think carefully about how much you want to open up to your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, or fiancée. Remember, this person may not necessarily be your future spouse. Opening up should happen gradually, not necessarily all at once, to ensure that revealing the truth about yourself or others doesn’t harm you or anyone else. If you haven’t yet formed an opinion on a particular question, take some time to reflect before answering to ensure your response is well thought out.
I recommend basing your decision on multiple sources. Ask friends, read books, and seek advice from experts before forming your opinion and giving an answer.
Your responses should be well-explained. Simply answering "YES" or "NO" is not enough. It’s much more helpful to describe the thoughts and reasoning behind your answer.
For example, answering “NO” to the question "Do you want to have children?" could mean many different things. Perhaps one of you is unable to have children due to an illness or accident and simply responds with "NO" without wanting to discuss a difficult topic. However, that answer isn’t very helpful, as it doesn’t create room for dialogue. The discussion could instead focus on whether you are both willing to spend your lives together without children or whether you are open to adoption.
Decisions like these should be supported by deeper reflection and a description of the emotions behind them.
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. Your responses are like a thermometer outside the window. If the thermometer shows -20°C (-4°F), just thinking about going outside in a T-shirt makes you feel cold. The same can happen when you hear certain answers.
Once you have answered all the questions you agreed to, exchange your notes and start a conversation. You will likely have even more to say than what you wrote down. That’s why I strongly recommend asking many follow-up questions to get to know each other as well as possible.
FOR INDIVIDUALS ANSWERING ALONE
First, answer the questions for yourself. This will help you get to know yourself better. Only then should you write down what you believe your partner would answer. Don’t guess. If you don’t know, find out—or leave the question unanswered. However, if a certain piece of information is especially important to you, it may be worth taking on the role of a detective.
Good luck!
Radoslaw Rynkiewicz